The Newest Oldest Dragonmark

Chapter 6: Linette
Part 5 and 6

Our heroes, having vanquished the redBaron 2.0 in Sterngate, are given the task of successfully maintaining the purposeful disorder in the neighboring town of Dragonroost. Captain Zak entrusts Itachi, her loyal lieutenant, with the information that Dragonroost needs to remain disorganized in order for the Breland government to continue to fund Sterngate.

Reasons aside, our mighty heroes are certainly up to the task of disrupting peace talks and just generally causing mischief. Here are a few highlights of their time in Dragonroost:

>Miguera mass suggests the refugees into disagreeing with each other as the others plot to burn down the building they are meeting in (but not really).
>Kai El and Smalls join forces with the local gang of children by transforming into a beast and allowing the children to drink of their udders. These children play a critical role in the burning of the Refugee Forum.
>Gilean befriends the local enslaved Warforged and plays a large part in their salvation thanks to Bluehorn, the Source Classic that they carry with them, and a little bit of down home whittling. It seems that the dishes are no longer piling up.
>Mikaelo joins the city watch and begins an alt-right fascist movement…only to bring them down in the end, thereby justifying it as a good deed somehow in his mind.
>The gang works with the Citizens’ leader, Frieda the Farmer’s Wife, to actually achieve a modicum of peace in Dragonroost while still maintaining the appearance of ongoing conflict. It’s a win-win, as they say.
>Trent explores the world, curious about the wonders that surround him.

The party returns, triumphant, to Sterngate and Linette gives them what they want: information about this mess they’ve got themselves caught up in.

Linette explains that the real enemy’s name is Margaret, the Silver Dragon that the party has encountered a number of times over the course of their adventure. Margaret has been planting dragonmarks on mortals in order to fulfill what she believes to be the true interpretation of the infamous Draconic Prophecy: that the time of dragons will begin anew when dragonmarked bloodlines start to break and new mortals start to appear with these marks. Here is the passage she is interpreting to mean this:

when corruption comes to dragon’s mark/fantastic are the fallen dark/when those without are those with all/the dragons come to sound the call

although this is a loose Common interpretation of the passage. The true depth of the passage cannot be understood by any but dragons themselves.

Linette also explains that Enzo was once her pupil and that her name was once Larry. When Kai El relays Enzo’s message to her (“I found the Tree and they know”), Linette does not seem to believe or even know what the message means. She explains the legend of the Tree of Life in the middle of the Mournland but says that it is likely a myth used to lure adventurers to their death.

The party rests, weary after a long and tiring mission. Itachi receives further instruction: infiltrate the McMillan Corporate Retreat and murder the McMillan Royals.
What will happen to our heroes next? Will Mikaelo get a job raking sand on the Aruldusk beaches? Will Tony challenge a triangle-shaped fighter to a duel? Will Smalls turn into a bee in order to chase down Augustus McMillan? Find out next time when we meet again at the ORIGINAL RECIPE ANGELS.

Chapter 6: Linette
Part 4

With the RedBaron 2.0 bearing down on the party and the soldiers of Sterngate, our heroes leap into action:
- Nick makes the Dm smile with a joke about tickling an octopus, causing Gilean to be able to damage the beast with a massive “lame lightning” bolt
- Miguera turns Gilean into a t-rex who pins the RedBaron
- Sergeant Tony commands his awful crossbowmen to fire on it
- Itachi, in Tony’s regiment, uses Color Spray on the thing
- Kai-El, as a bee, and Secret Scythe’d Smalls infiltrate the fort’s central column
- Captain Zak drives a javelin into the beast’s skull as Gilean finishes it off

Miguera and Gilean are jailed for their interuption of the military workings of the fort while Tony, disguised as a sergeant, “guards” the interlopers. Soon, two strangely robotic soldiers will come for Tony, Miguera, and Gilean. They are lead upstairs to meet with Itachi, who has been conversing with Captain Zak after she was impressed with his Color Spray during the battle.

The Captain confides in Itachi that she needs his services to deal with a special “problem” Sterngate is encountering. He is to be the lieutenant of his covert team of Dragonroost “civilians” whose goal will be to disrupt any peace talks in the area. This mission is critical because it ensures that the military can continue to use that conflict as an excuse to request support from the government of Breland (the governmentt doesn’t really understand how to manage this new military and as such has been stingy with its funding). Captain Zak, however, is convinced that a threat is still imminent from the East and needs to know she can support her troops until that time arrives.

Meanwhile, Smalls and Kai-El confront Linette on the roof of the Sterngate central tower. She is cryptic, to say the least, mentioning something about “The Plan” and revealing that Innocenzo Callavetti was Linette’s pupil in the past. She tells the druid and the rogue that Enzo has been manipulating them, that they are only pawns in a much larger game, larger than even Sarya Phiarlan can understand.

Linette’s powers are clearly very advanced, as shown when she plays with a “toy” she designed: a card that seems to be able to transform into a wicker chair. She also explains and brags about her role in designing the RedBarons for Captain Zak, implying as well that there is some sort of relationship between her and the Captain. As a result, she demands that our heroes help the Captain before Linette will reveal any more information. Consequently, our infiltration team joins with Itachi’s team to head out to Dragonroost in a few days.

During these two days, a few minor things occur:
- Kai-El attempts to replicate the transmutation magic of Linette
- Kai-El awakens a treant named Trent then promptly sets him free, telling him to satisfy his curiosity
- They go to get Roguish Rob but he’s run off with their “money”
- Leeway is dead but Kai-El reincarnates him as a Rock Gnome, although he remains unresponsive

Before the party finally leaves for Dragonroost, Captain Zak implies that they may be able to help with another task after this month-long assignment is over: the operation in Aruldusk (the town where the McMIllan Corporate retreat is going to happen),

Soon the party leaves for the town torn apart by the fallout of The Last War: Dragonroost.
Another adventure awaits our crack team of covert operatives! Will Tony dazzle them with his cooking skills? Will Kai-El stay transformed into a bee the whole time? Will Mikaelo settle into his new life as whatever job he manages to find this time around? WILL TRENT EVER FIND HAPPINESS??

Find out next time on ORIGINAL RECIPE ANGELS.

Chapter 6: Linette
Part 3

Our stalwart heroes, having pushed through the Yunkjarr’d, finally reach the doors of Sterngate, the military stronghold designed to protect Breland from an ancient threat.

Rebuffed at the gates of the fort, the party regroups with Roguish Rob and designs a plan to infiltrate the fort through the train platform in the northwest corner of Sterngate. Before they launch the plan, they watch as the soldiers run a drill using their massive, wall-mounted crossbows, firing a barrage of brilliant blue bolts at a spot centered on the road that leads through the mountains towards Sterngate. Once the bolts reach certain point on the road, they disappear into thin air.

Back to the infiltration plan: Kai-El instructs Rob to throw his voice using Complex Thaumaturgy and distract the fairly green soldiers guarding the platform, opening the way for the rest of the party to snatch them, one by one, into the trench that surrounds the fort. They quickly assume the guise of Sterngate soldiers and make their way into the fort unnoticed.

Because of the massive call made by Rob, the fort has begun to organize into defensive positions, facing the mountains. Tony, thanks to his size and military background, quickly assumes the role of a sergeant and stands at the ready in front of his regiment.

Once it is obvious that the warning call did not actually signal anything, the party watches as Captain Zak, the leader of all these men, jumps down from the wall in a single leap and begins to rant about false alarms and wasting their time.
The party (with Kai-El hidden in beast form) heads into the central column of the fort, deposits their weapons in the armory/locker room on the first floor and heads up to the mess hall where soldiers are eating an early breakfast. They don’t learn much from talking with the soldiers other than some details about Linette and her role in helping protect Breland with her “two-point-ones” which are "a massive improvement over the “two-point-ohs.”

As our adventurers gather information, Linette herself comes flying into the compound on the back of a magnificent, mechanical crane, not dissimilar in make to the Source Beast the party saw in the YunkJarr’d.

Linette, wearing nothing at all, dismounts from the beast and places something in its side, effectively shutting it down. The crane folds down into a perfect cube and is carried away by soldiers to be stored for further use. She then goes to join Captain Zak for their standard morning meal.

The party continues to discuss Linette with the soldiers of Sterngate until they hear an animal/machine cry coming from beyond the fort’s walls. As they look out the window, a crazed, half-mechanical crane shreds through the fort’s walls, charges towards the central column, and fires two massive lasers from its eyes, aimed directly at the mess hall.
What will happen next? Will the crazed beast rip through the party? Will the lasers destroy the fort? WILL ANYONE CALL TONY OUT FOR NOT ACTUALLY BEING A SERGEANT? Find out next time on ORIGINAL RECIPE ANGELS.

Chapter 6: Linette
Part 2

Our heroes, feeling forced and depleted, settle down for the night. As Gilean reboots from his “slumber,” he notices a figure creeping around the camp. Upon confronting it, the party is met by Roguish Rob, a not-so-roguish halfling bent on making a deal with the party.

Rob offers his services (which consist largely of an incredibly adept version of the Thaumaturgy cantrip that allows him to cast his voice to many places simultaneously) to help the party get through the epicenter of the Yünkjarr’d in exchange for a princely sum. Smalls begrudgingly gathers gold from the party (although some are more reticent than others) and pays Rob what he wants. Soon, Miguera magically modifies his memories to believe he’s been paid much more after which he stops asking for money.

Smalls finally completes his transformation into a merman: his gills flap in the breeze, fully-formed and able to sense the slight variances of gasses in the air and, when submerged, in the water. He does, however, feel an extreme thirst that never seems to fade.

The party sneaks through the first section of the epicenter while a dull, bassy hum fills the air: the sound of the Source Beast’s breathing. A few clumsy missteps later and the Beast awakens but the party has reached the exact center of the field of Yünklah and see The Source, a rectangular prism with a dull red glow. Gilean feels a tingle and his confidence soars. Anyone who comes in contact with the Source feels strange for a moment as their memory flashes back and they’re left with an out-of-body feeling like waking up from a dream.

The Beast is awake and hunting our heroes! The battle is over in less than a minute but it’s one of the most eventful yet:
> Smalls and Itachi pack up the Source before Itachi takes off after the escaping Roguish Rob and ties him up
> Miguera and Tony Dimension Door the hell on out of there and return as mighty dragon and rider to knock over Yünklah and crush Source Beasts
> Kai-El cleverly harnesses his natural abilities and summons a lightning storm above the Source Beast, calling lightning down to repeatedly fry its circuitry and paralyze it
> Gilean slices open the Beast’s back with the powerful Warforged greatsword, Bluehorn, exposing its spherical Source
> Mikaelo strolls around casually after being carried out of the epicenter by Kai-El the Warhorse. He later remembers—AGAIN—that he’s a magic user and heals up Smalls who had been twice hit with the Beast’s laser eyes

The party takes the spherical Source from the Beast’s back and returns the rectangular one to the Yünk who come storming through the epicenter once they realize the Beast has been defeated.

Roguish Rob, now essentially captured by the party offers his membership in the ORA. Miguera, who is already owed 1000 GP worth of…something…convinces Rob that her dagger is extremely magical and powerful and Rob takes it as payment for the first six months of his contract with the ORA. Smalls gives him a regular dagger, too.

In the distance, our heroes see smoke rising: Sterngate and LInette await.

What’s next for our tough little boys and girls? What’s the deal with Linette? Will the spherical Source reveal its secrets? Will Mikaelo finally use a spell without being prompted to do so? Find out next time on ORIGINAL RECIPE ANGELS.

Chapter 6: Linette
Part 1

Weary from their ascent through the massive Mount Larry, the party rests atop the mountain with Ebby Leeway tied up at their side.

When they awake, they make their way down the mountain and, having been given instructions by Sarya yet again, make their way towards Sterngate, avoiding the trains. Once they set off, however, they notice something strange about the sky in the distance: it seems normal if you stand underneath the lightning rail’s raised tracks but if you step out from underneath them, away from the Seawall Mountains, it seems to become more and more orange as our heroes move forward. Intriguing…

As they move forward, they spot some strange statues that seem to be built entirely out of scrap metal. Each statue stands over 100 feet tall and depicts a woman with her arms outspread and her feet together.

With a little help from some clever scouting, the party observes that the statues become more and more dense the closer they are to a specific point in the distance, a point so dense with statues that no one can see what lies below them.

The party soon encounters three extremely strange constructs, also built out of scrap metal pieces. Each one has its own unique look and appears to specialize in a particular task or attribute. The most talkative one, Digger, has a large backhoe scoop instead of a right hand.

The party learns from the Yunk that there is a beast stopping the Yunk from entering the center of their region (which they call the Yunkjarr’d). With some polite prying, the party deduces that the Yunk need to be near this center (called The Source by the Yunk) or they will be forced to constantly wind themselves up to continue functioning as normal. More importantly, this beast appears to be blocking the party from travelling to Sterngate.

A few stalwart heroes, riding on the back of a summoned eagle, perform a flyover of The Source to see what they can find. In the process, they are shot down by two crackling bolt of white-hot energy, destroying their eagle in a single blow. Luckily, the fall doesn’t kill them.

Seeing no way to avoid it, the party decides to travel around the entire Yunkjarr’d on their way to Sterngate and to instead pass by Dragonroost, a nearby town known to be fraught with conflict over the recent immigration of Cyran refugees.

Once they hit the threshold of the orange sky, however, all hell breaks loose. The party appears to have accidentally wandered into the middle of a full-on war between the citizens of Dragonroost (now expelled from their homes) and the refugees (who now hold the town of Dragonroost for themselves).

Despite some desperate and violent pleading for the fighting to stop, the war rages on. The party tries to explain their situation to nearby citizens but to no avail: the citizens do not appear to be able to see or comprehend the Yunkjarr’d and even physical interaction with the statues does not seem to convince them that anything is there. The party fumes.

> feel free to add your own highlights here!

That just about does it for this session of the ORA! What will happen next? What’s the deal with the laser beast? What will feed the next Dragonroost conflict? Will Digger ever stop needing his friends to wind him back up??? Find out next time on ORIGINAL RECIPE ANGELS.

Chapter 5: Make Zolanberg Great Again
Part 7

Inside the Greytooth Jaw, our heroes are confronted with the head of Margaret the Outsider, formed entirely of grey crystals, jutting out of the cavern wall, demanding another dragonmarked. Tony soon realizes, partly by accident, that the dragon is speaking to Leeway and his entourage of SHMISIS bodyguards.

Tony tries to convince the guards of his own guard status and,when that fails, Smalls tries his whole House Ghallanda routine but it backfires as the SHMISIS members try to take him down and offer him to Margaret.

Mo’ga, in an unprecedented return, motions for Minister Chunk, the party’s guide, to create a protective bubble around the creatures in the Jaw so that the two of them can begin to assault Margaret. The party’s vision and hearing is largely distorted by the bubble but they can still see Mo’ga swing from the Jaw’s 90-foot ceiling, smashing the dragon’s snout with his mighty fists and ripping off any exposed appendages, including the tip of her tongue. Meanwhile, Chunk uses his 15-foot long staff, now embedded, in the wall, to create large rings of fire-red and deep blue.

The party can only stare in awe at the prowess of Snowy’s Angels as our heroes fight their own battle within the bubble, The guards valiantly defend Leeway, although it seems they have no choice as every blow that lands on Leeway is automatically deflected onto one of his allies. Captain Bozniak, the ill-fated captain whose tongue was cut out in the Jimmy Jam Club, zones in on Miguera’s voice and beelines for her.

He is stopped, however, by Water Bear, who has returned with two glowing green daggers and a hateful glare in his eyes as he struggles to get to Leeway.

Some highlights from the fight:
> Kai-El rips into dudes as a direwolf
> Gilean tries desperately to help his friends in as polite a manner as possible
> Itachi snipes
> Smalls trips Colonel Buffo in the most high school/effective way imaginable
> Miguera brags about teaching Dracob a dance
> Yonye dies (but not all the way)
> Tony smash

Once the dwarves are dispatched and Leeway is the last surviving SHMISIS member in the Jaw, the party questions him about his motives while Sarya Phiarlan, who has now appeared with a new BringMe Stone for the party, encourages them to kill him. She tells them that they will never learn if they don’t follow through. Itachi ends Leeway’s life as the dwarf’s wounds begin to seep blood. Sarya whispers something in Itachi’s ear and hands him a small pouch.

Mo’ga and Chunk disappear and the protective bubble around the party dissipates. It becomes obvious to the party that the cavern is collapsing so they beeline it for the exit, some more literally than others (Smalls carves through the stone with his Granite Grip, leaving a halfling-sized tunnel behind him).

Once they reach the icy column that they descended through, they are presented with a conundrum: how to climb 20,000 feet of sheer ice, straight up.

After a few exhausting solutions such as flying straight up with the help of some giant eagles and a young silver dragon and climbing some homemade ice steps made by said dragon, they form a small brain trust to deal with the problem. The solution is subtle, concise, and ingenious:

Forming a chamber of ice from Miguera’s dragon ice breath and a parachute using their cloaks and Yonye’s sewing skills, the team braces for the backdraft created by firing a fireball into the chamber and standing over the hole at the top.

The resulting force from the explosion and compressed air rockets them skywards, banging into each other and causing a few bumps and bruises. Their parachute only takes them so far, however, and they still have about 1000 feet to go by the time the hot air isn’t strong enough to hold them afloat.

Now hanging onto the side of the column with the hooks given to them by Chunk, they try to figure out a plan that doesn’t involve just climbing straight up. Kai-El summons sixteen monkeys but, not realizing that monkeys can’t grip sheer ice, watches as they plummet to their doom.

The party finally lands on simply climbing out of the column as it shrinks in around them. They make it to the top, exhausted but overjoyed to have managed such an incredible feat. A few of them spot, through the clouds that surround the mountain, the shape of Margaret the Outsider emerging from the ground, shaking off some crystals, and flying away.

Sarya appears beside them and says “Now see, wasn’t that better? Working together to solve a problem instead of us saving you?” She hands Smalls a simple scroll. With a now-revivified and bound Leeway by their side, the party falls into a well-deserved sleep at the very top of the Three Brothers, dreaming of what’s to come next.

Miscellaneous Highlights:
> feel free to add your own highlights!

Well, so ends the madness that was Chapter 5: Make Zolanberg Great Again. What’s next for our weary adventurers? What was written on that scroll? What will Leeway reveal to them? Where did Margaret go? Why is Mo’ga so goddamn powerful when he was the same level as you guys???? Find out next time on ORIGINAL RECIPE ANGELS.

Chapter 5: Make Zolanberg Great Again
Part 6

Our intrepid adventurers, lead by Minister Chunk, head towards The Three Brothers. Once they reach the famed peaks, the begin the arduous task of scaling the largest of the three: Larry.

Kai-El, once again, lays down a line of web from the spinnerets of his Giant Spider form, and makes his way up the dangerous crags and outcroppings. The party follows suit, although Tony takes a nasty tumble in the process.

Their journey stops, however, when Kai-El notices that they aren’t making nearly as much progress as they should be: for some reason, for every 100 feet of altitude they gain, they seem to only actually move two or three feet up. Puzzled but remembering the chicken paintings in Leeway’s penthouse, the party beings to move horizontally up the mountain, circling around to the dark side.

Kai-El, leading the group once again, is surprised by an enlarged Duergar who was apparently hiding behind a rock. The party gears up for a fight as Kai-El gets his footing. The ensuing battle is rocky but successful as Yonye scouts from atop a rock, Smalls and Gilean pierce the giant dwarf’s throat with arrows, and Tony licks his fall damage wounds.

After the battle, the party inspects the Duergar only to realize that they may have been fighting survival more than anything. Their bodies are emaciated and starved and their flesh is weak. No one seems to care as they loot the bodies with fervor.
The party eventually makes it to the top of Larry only to find that they must now travel back down the mountain. Only this time, they go through the center of the mountain using a perfect cylinder that’s been cut into it. The drop is staggering, but Minister Chunk hands out a hand tool that provides the adventurers with the means to slow their descent if they use it properly.

Only a few of the party members take this advice to heart. Tony jumps in recklessly and is saved partly by his own warrior’s agility and partly by even more giant spiders, this time fey spirits controlled by Kai-El. Itachi dives down headfirst in the hopes to save Tony as well, is body tied to a rope at the surface, but instead bashes his body against the side of the cylinder. In the end, everyone reaches the bottom of the hole without dying. Chunk is exasperated. Also, Dracob made it somehow.

Before the party lies a dark labyrinth of tunnels and mysterious rooms, some of which seem very familiar. Smalls and Itachi successfully brave an undulating tunnel while the rest of the crew, with the help of some summoned pseudodragons, navigate an odd, breathing tunnel of freezing cold air. Some pseudodragons were harmed in the completion of this task.

The party wanders through the many halls and tunnels, confused by the ice coating the walls and ceiling but eager to find Leeway and end this long quest. The undulating tunnel crew find a strange note that reads “Don’t forget: S1KH4X” while the rest of the team encounters a room full of nasty, dangerous chittering sounds and an awful pen full of real-life chickens. Kai-El ponders the moral quandary of these animals’ fate as Tony flawlessly executes one and pockets the body, perhaps to make a tasty stew at a later date.

Our heroes, thanks to a pressurized cloud of methane gas, finally rendezvous and make their way to the downwards staircase at the northern end of the maze. Withh Gilean’s prowess in the Dwarven language, they open the spiked door that blocks their path and find themselves in a gargantuan, room-sized geode made of Greytooth.

As they marvel at the size and beauty of the room, a massive reptilian face forms from the crystals, the minerals shifting and clicking to form the teeth, snout, and piercing eyes of a dragon.

As the beast opens its mouth, it speaks in a calm, Common voice: “Who have you brought for me today?”
Miscellaneous Highlights:
> feel free to add your own highlights!
Will the party be eaten by this rock-dragon-thing? Will the party finally deal with this troublesome Leeway character? Will Tony’s chicken taste as good as it looks? Find out next time of ORIGINAL RECIPE ANGELS.

Chapter 5: Make Zolanberg Great Again
Part 5

Our heroes, trapped as they were in Leeway’s penthouse nightmare, are in a tizzy. Miguera and Dracob take quite a few blows from an angry mimic but manage to Dimension Door on out to safety. The others shamelessly collect gold and other random items from chests. They also manage to stave off some possessed armor using “teamwork.”

The party begins to panic as the door to their room begins to lower and expose them to the lava beyond. Itachi cleverly pushes the penthouse elevator’s call button with his mage hand, opening the elevator door and draining the magma from the penthouse.

The penthouse begins to lower back down through the clouds and lands back on top of the crumbling Leeway Tower. The party must figure out how to lower themselves safely down to the ground before the weight of the room collapses the building’s supports. Thanks to some druid spider magic from Kai-El, most of the party lowers themselves to the ground safely using his web. Kelennia finds this extremely troubling.

Now on terra firma, the gang meets up with Stephan the Chef again. He reveals that he doesn’t know exactly where his boss (Ebby Leeway) is but that he does often travel to the nearby mountains for meetings. The gang frog marches Stephan to the McMillan Mineral Refinery, enforced by a threatening bear formerly known as Kai-El. They’re investigating the fact that all the lights have been turned on again despite being empty and locked up a few days ago. Naturally, Smalls is in the lead. bear.jpg

Once there, they find a young member of the McMillan family, pompous and demanding. With the threat of a little violence, however, they quickly crack him and find out that he was sent here to make it look like the refinery was back in business, despite it’s continued failure. While ransacking the office, the party finds an announcement for a McMillan Corporation corporate retreat set to happen a few months from now in the resort town of Aruldusk.

Kai-El, still guarding Stephan in his bear form, sees Minister Chunk enter the refinery. Stephan, seeing a way out of this kidnapping, screams for help. Kai-El rips him to shreds. Chunk seems unfazed when he recognizes the party and doesn’t follow up the murder he’s just witnessed at all. He seems intent on helping the party sort out their situation with Leeway. He walks calmly towards the three peaks you see in the distance: The Three Brothers.
> feel free to add you own personal highlights here!
> Itachi boldly saves Kelennia with some spiderman-style acrobatics
> The Silvergem family’s warforged servant Gilean appears to inform Kelennia of her mother’s sickness, with great regret she leaves the party, but not before planting one on Itachi for saving her. Gilean takes her place in the party.
Will Leeway finally get his comeuppance? Who is this “Garboss” Leeway reports to? Did Stephan perhaps know some cool recipes he and Tony could have bonded over? Find out next time on ORIGINAL RECIPE ANGELS.

Sorry this one was so late, guys. Of course, I’m sure I forgot a bunch of details and little funny things you guys did so definitely add them if you can remember!

Chapter 5: Make Zolanberg Great Again
Part 4

Our heroes, trapped in the Leeway penthouse miles above the city of Zolanberg (perhaps?), face an ominous threat: a draconic voice counting down from 23:59:59. The party quickly deduces that the voice is giving them a day to sort things out before…something…happens.

The party accomplishes much in the following twenty-four hours.


  • after Miguera discovers a mysterious, signed letter “G” on the back of the paintings in the penthouse, the party investigates further. Thanks to Itachi’s knowledge of art and his keen eye, the party sorts the paintings into the order they were meant to be placed in. They discover a strange tableau of chickens and mountains with an ominous grey geode in the center
  • Leeway’s bed is destroyed with extreme prejudice
  • Yonye slowly deciphers a notebook filled with Dwarvish and Draconic blueprints for some sort of defense mechanism guarding…somewhere
  • Tony and Miguera are disgusted by the half kitchen sink/half vanity sink
  • everyone tears apart everything. Smalls rips apart a decorative dresser for apparently no reason
  • in order to grant Enzo access to the penthouse, the party uses Kai El’s elevator spider-bomb to blow a hole in the ceiling and floor. When Enzo uses Bluehorn as a step, Itachi has a vision of a tree, a beautiful tree surrounded by a horrid, desolate waste land.
  • the party rests sporadically. Kelennia rests way less but still has to rest because meditating does not make your short rest a long rest, goddammit.


As the counter approaches zero, the party prepares themselves for the worst. In the final minutes, the furniture in the room becomes red hot, suspended magma, ready to lose its shape and fill the room at any second. As the party steps into the floating rooms connected to the penthouse, the timer reaches zero and the furniture loses its physical form, creating a thick layer of lava on the floor of the penthouse.

The party turns to face their individual rooms: Miguera in the southern room, everyone else in the other. The rooms are filled suddenly filled with suits of armor, treasure chests, and strange rugs.

As the room with everyone in it is slowly explored, it becomes apparent that the treasure chests are all full of wonderful treasure! The party collects it greedily.

Miguera’s room, however, is a bit more hostile. Her first encounter with a treasure chest reveals it to be a mimic. She is instantly attacked. Of course.

Somewhere far, far away, a cup of water is spilled and a group of people have to stop for the night.
>add your own!
Seems like the ORA are in a real pickle this time! Will the party gorge on gold and wine only to find that material wealth leads to an empty existence? Will Miguera literally be murdered before anyone can save her? Will they ever figure out what the hell is going on in Zolanberg?

Find out next when our intrepid adventurers gather for another session of the ORIGINAL RECIPE ANGELS.

Chapter 5: Make Zolanberg Great Again
Part 3

Our stalwart group of heroes, minus a few notables, confront Colonel Buffo and Water Bear in the Colonel’s hotel room and, through the magic of hypnosis, manage to get the key to his Nulloffice (the one in the Old MacDonald Warehouse). The party also begins to understand that the mayoral candidate Ebby Leeway is in fact second-in-command in the terrorist group SHMISIS, answering only to the seldom-seen “GarBoss”.

With this new information, the party decides to split up: Yonya, Smalls, Miguera, and Kai El choose to stay at the hotel and figure out how to infiltrate Leeway’s penthouse at the top of the tower while Itachi, Lonzo, Kelennia, and Tony head back to the warehouse to investigate the Colonel’s office.

Inside the office, our heroes find a number of things, including blueprints (with draconic runes) for the chains and magical tables that each gnome slave in the building is paired with. They also find a large switchboard which, after some arguing with a lying gnome, gets manipulated to free the gnomes from their chains. Tony and Kelennia are also blasted with a security device when they try to break into the desk, blurring their vision and their minds.

Back at the hotel, our party is in the middle of breaking into the inner workings of the hotel, stealthing through kitchens, eating cheesecake, and melting hatches in freezers. The plan they finally settle on—seeing as they can’t get to the penthouse using the elevator—is to use Alchemist’s Fire to start a blaze that will drive all the patrons out of the hotel, therefore giving them a chance to…do something. That plan wasn’t totally clear. The Alchemist’s Fire does manage to hit some sort of gas line, though, and the ensuing explosion has the desired effect as dozens of the hotel’s patrons start filing into the streets, marveling at the massive purple flames. Mikaelo shows up at this point, munching a kebob and appearing mildly concerned at the sight of the flaming building.

As the gnomes file out of the warehouse, the party makes sure to give the lying gnome his just rewards, including gluing him to the ground and a swift kick to his soft gnome body. The party then quickly jumps back to the hotel using the Gem Disc that Itachi acquired from Lonzo.

The scene at the hotel is getting a bit grim. As the team attempts to subdue the tension in the crowd (Tony scares some folks, Yonya strips, Smalls discusses House Ghallanda with Stephan (Leeway’s personal chef) the usual deal), things start getting out of hand. Itachi attempts to scale the building (the 750 foot building) but quickly plummets to his doom, saved only by the grace of Kai-El’s bird buddies.
Thinking quickly, our resident druid transforms into a giant spider and darts up the side of the building, covering ground faster than the party ever could as their usual humanoid selves. He cleverly leaves a trail of non-sticky web behind for the rest of the crew to climb up. Needless to say, Kelennia takes some convincing.

Once on top of the building (and directly on top of the penthouse), our small band of adventurers begins to plot out the most elaborate maneuver they’ve ever attempted. There were plenty of arguments and booby-trapped elevator shafts and magic growth hormones consumed and windows broken. In the end, the party manages to infiltrate the penthouse, dispatch the dwarven guards, and work out that what they thought was Leeway casually sitting on his couch was in fact only the illusion of him. His image laughs smugly and says only: “Hmpf. Sad.”


  • Tony destroys multiple dwarven bodyguards with massive blows from his gargantuan arms
  • Kai-El and his bird friends claw the eyes out of some more dwarves
  • Mikaelo swings again and again and lands a blow, finally
  • Miguera brings some furniture to life, creating the world’s most dangerous living room set
  • Kelennia is tortured by a familiar female voice, taunting her
  • There are some familiar paintings on the walls of chickens in various states of amusement as well as a strange painting of a beautiful grey geode

Once the fight is over and piles of dead dwarves litter the penthouse, the team hears Leeway’s voice over the intercom:

“What do you guys think of my penthouse? I had a very good…interior designer.”

The shattered windows rebuild themselves and the floor of the penthouse becomes transparent. The party now realizes that they are floating far more than 750 feet in the air, hovering precariously over the city of Zolanberg.

Our heroes watch as two transparent, room-sized boxes float down from the clouds and position themselves one on either side of the penthouse, each attaching one of their walls to two opposite windows of the penthouse. The windows then peel back, revealing an entrance into these strange rooms.

Battle-worn and weary, the adventurers stare confusedly at this new development. As they stand around, wiping dwarf blood from their hands, a sharp, repetitive sound fills the room:


  • Lonzo leaves Itachi after they manage to free the gnomes from slavery. Itachi takes his hat back.
  • Tony misses out on the kitchen scene, disappointing the DM cause I think he’s a chef or something
  • Smalls summersaults majestically into the hotel kitchen then proceeds to not be able to see anything
  • Mikaelo strolls up casually
    Oooooh, what’s gonna happen next? Will Ebby Leeway lead the party to this mysterious “GarBoss”? Will Kelennia continue to suffer from her strange tormenter? Will Dracob suffer PTSD from the massive amount of bloodshed he just witnessed? Find out next time on SNOWY’S ANGELS.

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